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DEATH TO ALL DARLINGS
November 25th, 2014
“You looked really cute today,” Cara said. She liked to court with me over the phone. Nothing was ever said in person. Over text or over the phone. “I thought about fucking you in the bathroom.”
“What if we just did it?” I said. I felt especially bold. “Get it out of our system.”
“Ew,” Cara said. “I will not let you be my first kiss.”
There is a version in which this is hurtful: because I was a guy she was embarrassed to like, and not because I was a lady, and she may be sent to oblivion for thinking these things about me.
“Okay fine,” I said.
“What if we jacked off in front of each other?” she asked. “That way I’m not breaking any rules.”
“No,” I said because that seemed awkward. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her to long for to kiss me.
December 20th, 2021
I couldn’t sleep. I looked at my phone and saw I had missed a call from Blake. It was two in the morning. I called him back.
“Hi,” I said.
“Sorry, I called so late, I just, uhm,” he said. “I just missed you.”
He was embarrassed. He was advocate in Texas with his parents. I was in my room ruminating.
“Aw, I miss you too,” I said. “How are you?”
“I’m good,”
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