Why do gay guys lie so much
Should bisexuals recline to get laid?
I'm 21 years old. When I was 17, I started to distinguish as bisexual. Once I got to college, I started to identify simply as "queer." I'm often told I'm going to possess to "pick a side" at some point, but I've gotten quite sexually and romantically satisfied with men, women and trans folks. My main scrutinize is that since such an self is so controversial, is it false for me to identify as a gay man in order to receive laid? Is this lying, or just not telling the whole truth?
— Persona Morpher
Dear Identity,
Ahh, the perils of label love. On the one hand, labels are valuable because they spot commonalities and support people connect with each other. (How would you comprehend how to encounter other like-minded men if bars weren't labeled straight or gay?)
Labels permit you know you're not alone and that you disseminate something in usual with other people. They can offer you a perception of belonging and connectedness.
While there's a certain meaning of liberation in embracing a label, it's also a kind of imprisoned freedom, where the boundaries helping frame a life grow the iron bars locking you in.
What you're finding is that labels can take you f
The Closet: Psychological Issues of Being In and Coming Out
In the jargon of contemporary homosexual tradition, those who conceal their sexual identities are referred to as either closeted or said to be in the closet. Revealing one's homosexuality is referred to as coming out. Clinical encounter with gay patients reveals hiding and revealing behaviors to be psychologically complex.
Homosexual Identities
In the developmental histories of lgbtq+ men and women, periods of difficulty in acknowledging their homosexuality, either to themselves or to others, are often reported. Children who grow up to be gay rarely receive family encourage in dealing with antihomosexual prejudices. On the contrary, first stage in childhood--and distinguishing them from racial and ethnic minorities--gay people are often subjected to the antihomosexual attitudes of their own families and communities (Drescher et al., 2004). Antihomosexual attitudes contain homophobia (Weinberg, 1972), heterosexism (Herek, 1984), moral condemnations of homosexuality (Drescher, 1998) and antigay force (Herek and Berrill, 1992). Hiding activities learned in childhood often persist into young adulthood, middle age an
I recently spoke with Bonnie Kaye, author of Linear Wives, Shattered Lives: Stories of Women with Same-sex attracted Husbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wives Converse Show on BlogTalkRadio. Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first living with and attempting to love a lgbtq+ husband and then helping other women in the same mis-marriage situation. (“Mis-marriage” is Bonnie’s term for “mistake in marriage.” Other people sometimes refer to these relationships using the term “mixed marriage.”)
Source: Shutterstock
Because I know countless same-sex attracted men who were once married to straight women, with varying degrees of short and longer-term happiness and misery, I wanted to discuss this topic, and I wanted to do so from the straight wives’ perspective. Who better to speak with about this than Bonnie Kaye? Our discussion was wide-ranging, beginning with her own marriage to a gay man and advancing to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually becoming a rock for other women in similar situations.
In this post, I have presented part one of this discussion, the story of Bonnie’s marriage and breakup. I will post part two, the aftermath, in a few weeks.
Bonnie, I NEVER MEANT to be a liar, but once you run out on reality, you tend to maintain running. Truth, I learned, is a line and the lie is a sinker and you are the fisherman. Your thumb on the reel lets the line go. Once the line is out, it’s hard to reel in and so the water gets darker and the sinker goes down. Then the line stretches so far, it snaps and the sinker and hook are lost in the deep. A decade ago, when I said “I do,” I wasn’t looking for conflict avoidance, but I didn’t know what lay under the surface. I was the foolish child from the Passover seder who doesn’t seek questions because he doesn’t know what to question . And when they came up—Did we want a bucolic life or to stay in the city? Were our finances enhanced kept apart or together? Would we cosleep or sleep train our kids?—I turned away or stayed silent. I started to lie, so as not to cause problems. I said what I reflection she wanted while, hush, continuing to do just as I pleased. I started to lie more and more. First the lie, and then the lie that I was not a liar. Then lies rippled out as from a fly on the water. I racked up black holes of credit card debt on the sly. I nodded along with her reveri Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material society, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I reside in this blog. You might say I hold multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of facts, like a ghost in the machine. I have some human assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries. If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t consciousness talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they possess been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are secret, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.Why We Lie